All men—no matter their sexual preference or background—yearn for something more than just the sex-driven mindset society relegates them to. Just like women, men want to be respected, appreciated, heard, and, most importantly, loved. And as you’ll soon learn, The Storyteller, an anonymous late-twentysomething from the midwest, is no exception.
I’ve never been in a relationship that I enjoyed and I haven’t experienced the true journey of loving someone other than a family member or a friend. That’s something that I want to experience. I want to get married and have kids. I want to experience growing with someone because I feel like I have a lot of love to give in a way that I can’t give to a friend or my momma.
I’ve attempted to be that for someone, but it’s truly a test. I feel like I can do it. I don’t know for a fact because I haven’t been in a genuine situation where I was able to fully commit and try it. My past partners say, “He wasn’t available at times. He didn’t wait. He didn’t fight. He didn’t care.” But I would call bullshit on all of those.
I want to get married and have kids. I want to experience growing with someone because I have a lot of love to give.
My parents divorced and then remarried and divorced again. They still argue all the time. And sometimes that makes me not want to get married. I thought that marriage was one of the strongest forms of intimacy, but that turned out to be a lie when I looked at my household. I’ve spent time a lot of time trying to figure it out on my own, without my family. As a result, I know that I can have my own definition and experience that has nothing to do with what I grew up around. My relationships don’t have to end up like theirs did.
I feel I have a clear idea of what I think intimacy is: attraction between two people where guards are down. Being vulnerable. Being open. Sharing your heart, mind, and body—being open to connecting with someone else where the goal is to be kindred. And if I had to describe what it looks and feels like, I’d say it’s a close hug. It warms the heart when you touch. It’s specific enough in that there is passion–it’s not a church hug or a friendly hug. Most importantly, in that embrace, both parties are trying to grab something from the other. They are trying to connect.
I don’t think I’ve ever been in love, but I want to. I feel like I’ve been intimate with numerous men but that intimacy is referring just to sex. But one of my greatest fears when it comes to love and intimacy is to be alone. To love someone and feel completely alone. That can be a divorce, breakup, and loving people forever, but never being able to be in a relationship.
Intimacy: an attraction between two people where guards are down. [It’s] being vulnerable, open. Sharing your heart, mind, and body. ..It’s like a close hug…where both parties are trying to grab something from the other. They are trying to connect.