Not many men will admit their shortcomings–and certainly not publicly. But during our interview, Brian, an early-twentysomething from Queens, was quite candid and fearless. His heart had recently been broken, and he was still trying to figure out why it was so tough to shake off. Initially, he passed over it with a simple comment. But by the end of the interview, he’d realized that it was because she’d given him the one thing he’d been missing: true intimacy.
The hardest thing I’ve had to struggle with in being a man is women. I was just never really good at talking to girls or even knew how because I didn’t have an older brother or dad to learn from. It wasn’t until maybe last year, believe it or not, that I was like, it can’t be that complicated.” That’s when I decided to take more risks and break out of my comfort zone.
From what I think or know so far, due to the fact that my mom was always throwing 1000 percent attention at me, I was never interested in relationships. I’m an independent person, naturally. When I was younger, my mom was always asking, “What are you doing?” She was always around, so I never felt the need to have attention. Some people get into relationships because they want attention, but I never needed that because I got so much of it at home.
I’ve also never been in love, which I think is sad because everybody wants to experience that, including me. I didn’t have a high school sweetheart. The girls that wanted me, I didn’t want them; the girls I wanted didn’t want me. But that doesn’t mean I’ve never been hurt. I have.
Recently, I was talking to this girl and things were going great. We were always intimate. For example, I remember when I’d hold her or she’d sit on my lap. One time she and I were sitting with each other. Every few seconds she would be holding my face, bringing it back to her, and then she would dance on me.
I remember thinking, “This is amazing!” Since I don’t jump into relationships often, I hadn’t had that kind of intimacy. So, with her I realized that’s what I had been missing, which is why I welcomed it so quickly. It’s like how a cat responds when you scratch under its neck–it feels so good it doesn’t want you to stop. And then all of a sudden things changed.
Someone told her that I said to other people I was claiming her and that I got an attitude about it. So, then she jumped on me about it and drew such a hard line with me, even though I never would have said any of that because we were just talking. It wasn’t official or anything yet.
She and I were sitting with each other… every few seconds she would hold my face, bring it back to her, and then dance on me. I remember thinking, “This is amazing!”
She said she didn’t want to talk to me anymore and that all we’d done together didn’t mean anything to her–that it wasn’t that deep. I was like damn. That really fucked me up because I’d never felt like that with anyone else before, and then she did that as if it meant nothing to her.
Now, one of my biggest fears when it comes to intimacy–after experiencing that–is to have someone just end something special like she did. That experience, no matter how short it might have been, taught me a lot in terms of disparities between love, intimacy, and sex. They are all different, but the same. That’s why I was so upset about it. I just wanted to know why I wasn’t going to get that intimacy anymore, but I couldn’t do anything about it.
To me, intimacy can be romantic and physical like making out and sex. But it can also be like pillow talk–a deep conversation when you have that, “I see you, baby, “Oh word?” type of connection. I feel like humans crave that. For example, when I think of pillow talk, I think of my girl holding a pillow and me sitting at the end of the bed talking.
I just wanted to know why I wasn’t going to get that intimacy anymore, but I couldn’t do anything about it.
We might have just had breakfast and then she starts talking about something she saw in the paper she wanted to do, and then I would do the same thing. It’s bouncing ideas off of each other in a sporadic, deep conversation that just happens to be on the bed where our pillows are. It’s important because everyone wants to talk about their dreams and goals, especially with someone you care about.
You can also be intimate through cuddling, which can happen while watching a movie, but doesn’t usually happen for me unless I’m with a girl I really like. In that moment, you feel safe in each other’s arms; you feel like you belong. Once a girl feels safe, she wants to give it up. But as the guy, you feel something, too. You feel less threatened, like she accepts you for you. For that split second, no matter how hard or stern a guy might seem, he feels good with her.
Some stereotypes say that men don’t know how to be intimate because they were never taught. I think that’s both true and false. Some guys don’t know how to be intimate. They just know how to be savage and fuck bitches. Their experiences condition them to go down a certain path and treat women a particular way, especially after being hurt to prevent it from happening again.
Intimacy can be romantic and physical like making out and sex. But it can also be like pillow talk–a deep conversation where you have that, “I see you, baby,” “Oh word?” type of connection.
For example, when I was younger, I was a pure lover who wanted a girlfriend and then to get married. But the first time I got played, I was like, “Fuck this. Let’s fuck these bitches. I’m done!” But I also think some guys are naturally more intimate than others and some aren’t–it’s about how they are conditioned.
When it comes to men and women, I don’t think we are all that different. We are both human, and we crave the same thing. One gender may go about it in a different way, but we still want the same thing: appreciation and praise.
Even though my recent experience didn’t end so well, I am happy I experienced real intimacy because I know what it feels like and I know what to look for. I now know that when I surrender myself real intimacy is what I’m preparing for, and hoping to get in return.
I now know that when I surrender myself, real intimacy is what I’m preparing for, and hoping to get in return.
Fazitdeir el-medina und die baustellen der königsgräber dokumentieren eindrucksvoll den hohen grad der thesis schreiben lassen arbeitsteilung und spezialisierung und die produktivität und logistische leistungsfähigkeit der ägyptischen wirtschaft und verwaltung.