It may not seem readily apparent, but being considered attractive does sometimes get in the way of achieving the simple happiness we all hope to find in meaningful relationships, whether it be in a friendship or a romance.  And as you’ll soon learn from Asad, a late-twentysomething actor and model, sometimes it can be downright frustrating.

 During my time in the entertainment industry, I’ve seen so many people just break down because of the harsh standards of beauty that make it feel unattainable. And the same goes for me.

I’m not what some people would consider a flawless beauty like celebrities or based on the definition of whoever the person is who sets the standard for male beauty. And hearing people talk negatively about me and how I look used to bother me because I had so many things I didn’t like about myself.

But I can’t afford to let it get me down because I’m an actor and model, which means people are constantly judging you and telling you what they don’t like about you or how you’re not good enough.

Over the years, I’ve learned that my personality doesn’t always match what people expect of me, which can cause people to assume the worst about me.

And when I do get called beautiful, it feels weird. I’ve never considered it to be true, and I’m still not used to it. In a sense, the only way I can understand it is if they mean a holistic kind of beauty–the kind of beauty that’s bone deep (as opposed to skin deep).

To me, that’s someone with great life values who wouldn’t think twice before helping someone out. It’s  an all-around good person. Someone you can trust. That’s the definition of beauty I want to fit, and sometimes I believe I do. But when it comes to the physical element of beauty, I don’t know.

Regardless of how I feel about it, there are benefits when people consider you attractive, like free drinks–the simple stuff. But there’s also the not so good side of it. I have had a few situations where I’ve met  women who aren’t used to having men treat them nicely and with respect, without any motives. They react differently to it. Some will be hostile and mad, asking why I’m this way or expecting that I’m hiding something.

Over the years, I’ve learned that my personality doesn’t always match what people expect of me, which can cause people to assume the worst about me. Off the back, the trust is completely gone. From the moment I meet them,  they are waiting for me to give them a reason to attack or to do something that says it was right for them not to trust me. It’s also negatively affected my romantic relationships.

For example, I’m into a variety of different women. I’ve had girlfriends who are grown in the body to petite, smaller  women. But I’ve noticed that when I’ve dated women who are full-figured, at first they are super happy because they see me as tall man with a nice body. But then the more we spend time together, they begin to wonder why I chose them, instead of someone thinner or more fit. They never realize that I liked them as they are.

Before I know it, the relationship has gone from happy and mutual to her crying, telling me she will go to the gym and that she’ll do anything to stay with me. Each time that’s happened, the woman never realized that I never asked her to do that.  I didn’t want her to change.

My relationships have also been negatively affected because some people assume that the more attractive you are the less you can be trusted.

That’s been a challenge because the problem in those instances is that I’m into women who are confident in who they are. That’s what I find attractive. So, when they begin to doubt themselves, it’s hard because there’s nothing I’m able to do to change how they see themselves, and the relationship ends soon after that.

A part of me wonders whether things would move along differently if people didn’t automatically assume I wasn’t someone they could trust just because of how they feel I look. Honestly, it can be so frustrating because I don’t see myself the way other people do. But beauty has definitely affected my life in different ways, and I’m still trying to understand it.

I’m into women who are confident in who they are. That’s what I find attractive.  And if they do want to change something, I expect they will do it because they want to, not just to make me happy.